Okay, the first time I heard this story, I immediately thought “This sounds like a joke!”
A man, a zebra, and parrot walk into a bar….
But it’s real. Of course, the zebra/parrot chauffeur had obviously been imbibing already, having a blood alcohol content of .14, when the legal limit was .08. That may be why he thought the bar would accept his animals.
The man was not part of a bachelor party or trying to re-enact the Hangover, rather, this man and his wife apparently see the animals as their children, and often take them for drives.
Did his wife know he was taking the animals down the path to delinquency? Or did she think they were merely going on a nice evening drive to look at the stars?
Can you imagine the scene at the police station?
“Sarge, we’re bringing in a OWI.”
“Roger that. What’s your ETA?”
“Well, that may depend on the vet.”
“Vet? What vet? Iraq war vet?”
“Nope, a vet vet. Animal vet.”
“Is he the OWI?”
“Nope, Sarge, he’s rescuing the animals.”
“Are you joking, or did it get that wild out there tonight?”
“I called him to look at a zebra this evening.”
“Where the hell did a zebra come from?”
“Originally from Africa, I’m pretty sure.”
“No, dammit! Tonight! Where’d the zebra come from tonight!”
“Oh – front seat.”
“Front seat of what?”
“The truck.”
“In the seat? You don’t mean the back? Or in a trailer?”
“No, sir, the front seat.”
“Holy crap, are you telling me a drunk zebra was driving a car tonight?”
“No, sarge, he was just riding along with the parrot.”
“So you have a drunk parrot?”
“I don’t know if the parrot’s drunk. He’s not talking, I can tell you that.”
“Where ARE you? At the zoo?”
“Sarge, we’re at the Dog House Lounge.”
“Son, are you telling me you have a dog, too?”
“No sir, just the zebra and the parrot.”
“In a dog house.”
“No, sir, not IN a dog house. AT the Dog House. It’s a bar.”
/long pause, mumbles something like “this better not be a joke…”
“Okay, this is giving me a headache. Let me recap, you have a zebra -not drunk- , a parrot -also not drunk-, but no dog, at the Dog House Lounge?”
“Yessir, Sarge, that’s right.”
“Any other critters involved?”
“Not that I know of, sir.”
“How the hell did a zebra and parrot get to the bar?”
“Jerald Reiter brought them.”
“In his truck.”
“Yes, sir, in his truck.”
“How do you get a zebra into the front seat of a truck?”
“It just kinda – gets in and sits down, sir. Wedges in pretty tight, but he does it.”
“Were they buckled up?”
“Sarge, I don’t know. Mr. Jeiter was trying to get them back into his car when we arrived.”
/pause
“Let me get this straight. Mr. Jeiter drove a zebra and a parrot to a bar to get a drink.”
“Yes, sir.”
“And this isn’t a joke.”
“No, sir, it’s not. I’m looking right at them right now.”
“Does he do this often?”
“I’m not sure, sir. He said he and his girlfriend take them for drives for fun.”
“What’s his girlfriend’s name?”
“Vicky Teters.”
“Okay, now I know you’re joking! Reiter and Teters?! Did Jones put you up to this?”
“No, sir, these are real people, sir.”
“Real people with pets like zebras and parrots.”
“That’s what I understand, sir.”
“So, Reiter and Teters take their zebra and parrot for drives in their truck.”
“That’s what he says, sir.”
“So if you arrest Teters…”
“Reiters, sir.”
“…REITERS, then, will (pause) Miss Teters get the animals, then?”
“We’re waiting to see what condition Miss Teters is in, sir. If Mr. Reiters is drunk and shows up with a zebra and parrot, I want to know what condition Miss Teters is in, and what she comes with, before I release these two into her care.”
“And that’s where the vet comes in.”
“Yes, sir. I mean, if these were kids, we’d place them in some kind of foster care for the night, wouldn’t we? We can’t just let them wander around, and the barkeep doesn’t serve animals.”
“Son, I have no idea what the rules are for this one, but I think I need a drink myself!”