Hambone v3.0

Wednesday Lighten It Up Open Comments

War. Murder. Mayhem. Bad hair on questionable political candidates.

I thought I’d lighten up things on this hectic pre-Thanksgiving Day.

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?” The Mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. “I can’t, dear,” she said. “I have to sleep in Daddy’s room.” A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: “The big sissy.”

A mother took her three-year-old daughter to church for the first time. The church lights were lowered, and then the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles. All was quiet until the little one started to sing in a loud voice, Happy birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you…

It was that time during the Sunday morning service for “the children’s sermon,” and all the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said to her, “That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter dress?” The little girl replied, directly into the pastor’s clip-on microphone, “Yes, and my Mom says it’s a *itch to iron.”

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, “Bobby, when I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.” Bobby looked up and replied, “Well, Ms Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned.”

The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, “If he gets loose, will he hurt us?”

A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, “The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.” His son asked, “What happened to the flea?”

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Tedtam

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67 responses to “Wednesday Lighten It Up Open Comments”

  1. Super Dave Avatar
    Super Dave

    First! Turkey Day tomorrow!
    Mornin’ Gang

  2. Adee Avatar
    Adee

    Good morning Hamsters. Last night’s heavy fog flew away so it’s only overcast and 64 at 6:30. Plenty of moisture left on the grass though. And the weekend forecast gets wetter as we go along. We don’t need any more monsoons. The Brazos is still high.

    Spouse will likely be one of the few at the office today, as he said lots of the cohort had skipped out yesterday. Traffic probably was much lighter going in, but it surely won’t be light by this afternoon. I think he should come home early.

  3. Tedtam Avatar
    Tedtam

    I stayed up late last night going through my low carb cookbooks and selected some recipes. I have most of what I need but out looks like I will still need to fight the grocery store crowd. Maybe if I go earlier rather than later….

  4. Bonecrusher Avatar
    Bonecrusher

    Mrs. Bonecrusher’s car just got smacked in the windshield. Passenger side, as big as a grapefruit and spreading in all directions . Unfortunately the good guys won’t be able to get to it til monday.

  5. Bonecrusher Avatar
    Bonecrusher

    Traffic was very light this mornong

  6. Shannon Avatar
    Shannon

    Perhaps it isn’t the turkey that puts us to sleep but the insane rushing leading up to it.

  7. Bonecrusher Avatar
    Bonecrusher

    The BLM backlash begins. May it be deep and widespread and cause the death of the PC insanity.

  8. mharper42 Avatar
    mharper42

    Maybe if I go earlier rather than later….

    Oh Tedtam, you know it’s too late already, no such thing as “earlier” on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving.

    Yay, Luby’s!

  9. mharper42 Avatar
    mharper42

    I don’t trust Erdogan, so I don’t believe anything Turkey says. I am so sick of muslim news, Syria especially. Incredible that one Russian pilot survived the shootdown.
    http://www.bbc.com/news/world-middle-east-34917485

  10. Bonecrusher Avatar
    Bonecrusher

    Will the scumbags in the O admin try and blackmail Roberts again?

    HEADLINE: Obama’s Immigration Plan Hinges on Supreme Court Deadline Clash
    The U.S. Supreme Court is poised to resolve a procedural dispute that may foreshadow the fate of President Barack Obama’s stalled deferred-deportation program.
    The court could act imminently on a request by Texas and 25 other states for a 30-day extension of the deadline to respond to the administration’s bid for a hearing.
    While in other contexts that request would be routine, it has taken on heightened importance because of the realities of the court’s calendar and the administration’s desire to revive the program before Obama leaves office next year.
    If the court grants the request, the justices would have to deviate from their normal scheduling practices to consider the case during the nine-month term that ends in June. The administration says the court should allow only an 8-day extension to ensure the case can be heard this term.
    A delay would “prolong for an additional year the disruption of federal immigration policy,” U.S. Solicitor General Donald Verrilli told the court in a letter Tuesday. He said that if the court grants the full extension, he will ask for a rare May argument session so that the case can be decided in the current term.

  11. El Gordo Avatar
    El Gordo

    One down, one to go. Went to Dallas last week to pick up a sweetie, then down to Rosenberg for an early T’giving feast with her family. Back to Dallas on Sunday, then back home on Tuesday. Drove a little more than 1000 miles through Texas, and the parts of the state that I saw looked great – nice and green, some water standing, wildlife preparing for winter everywhere, etc. Drivers everywhere except Dallas were courteous and allowed merging without incident or hand signals, and surprisingly few slow-downs. So, T’giving is done for me, and Christmas (can we still use that word?) is yet to come. That can only mean it’s about time for some college football binge watching even though my normally mediocre football team played exceptionally lousy this year and failed to qualify for a bowl. Tomato season is also over as the first frost took out my plants and burst all the remaining fruit while I was gone – guess I’ll have to rely on store bought tomatoes until spring. Happy Thanksgiving you all.

  12. mharper42 Avatar
    mharper42

    EG, sounds like your next project should be a small greenhouse. Then you could have tomatoes year round, I betcha.

    BTW, could you elaborate just a bit on this “sweetie” in Dallas? The Couch wants to know!

  13. Tedtam Avatar
    Tedtam

    Just got back from Wal-Mart. Even with the price matching the sales flyers, I flew through the store and checkout line. It wasn’t nearly crowded. The staff has pushed back large areas in the clothing areas and have stocked a main aisle with new stock. I guess they’ll be working to make the next holiday switch out, and it’ll be a big one!

  14. El Gordo Avatar
    El Gordo

    #12 – Just your average TRG (Typical Rice Girl) – class valedictorian, entered Rice at age 16, etc. We’ve only been friends for about 50 years, and visiting a few days every other month or so seems to work out pretty well – it’s getting more and more difficult to keep up with these younger women though. So for all you nosy neighbors, there you have it.

    Don’t know if I’m ready for a greenhouse yet. I’ve still got a lot of yard work, brush clean up, cactus removal, etc. before I can overcome about 25 years of neglect. The wild animals don’t seem to mind though. Doubtful that it will ever look like a golf course.

  15. GJT Avatar
    GJT

    No nosy neighbor here, “a sweetie” sounded a lot like “one of” so I was cheering for you buddy!

  16. GJT Avatar
    GJT

    Guess Johnny Football can party all he wants now.

  17. El Gordo Avatar
    El Gordo

    At my age, nosy neighbors are a good thing.

  18. GJT Avatar
    GJT

    Make sure there’s movement every couple days? 😛

  19. Super Dave Avatar
    Super Dave

    And speaking of nosy neighbors, does anyone know what happened to wagonburner? I do hope that he’s O.K.

  20. Shannon Avatar
    Shannon

    My permanent truck was delivered to me today. What a dream after those other two unmentionables.

  21. GJT Avatar
    GJT

    Merry Christmas

  22. Adee Avatar
    Adee

    #14 Sounds promising, El Gordo.

    My best friend for 35+ years is a Rice grad who married another Rice grad who is equally delightful. She’s been steadfastly there for me when I was having a difficult time managing the care of my aging parents who moved here just in time from Madison. The neighbors there had done all they could to help them stay in their home, while they were putting up a convincing front to us that they could manage. Which they couldn’t.

    And turnabout, I am there for my dear Houston friend as she navigates a similar situation, having also lost her father first. She now manages the medical aspect of her widowed mother’s care and most of the finances while her sister who lives in the same small town near Waco keeps daily watch on their mother. She travels there and back every couple of weeks, usually staying for a week at a time.

    I understand what she is coping with. I understand what Tedtam is coping with. Until you’ve been thrust into a similar situation, you can’t completely comprehend what it is like. Let alone how to cope with it for your own sanity.

  23. Adee Avatar
    Adee

    #20 Shannon

    Presume it was too large to come down the chimney.

  24. Super Dave Avatar
    Super Dave

    #20 Shannon, so what is it? Chevy, Ford, Dodge? 1/2, 3/4, 1 Ton? Color,…..pictures, we need pictures.

  25. GJT Avatar
    GJT

    It’s a Ffffff… Fffffffor….., ah, can’t say it. Fix Or Repair Daily.

  26. Shannon Avatar
    Shannon

    These modern turn signal levers are weird.

  27. Shannon Avatar
    Shannon

    Clean as a whistle, late 2012 4WD F150 V8 Cab and a half. 6′ bed.
    Every interior bell and whistle you’d want except dead cow skins.

  28. Shannon Avatar
    Shannon

    Bluetooth too. Nice cause I can’t seem to hear callers on my cell phone….. now I can crank up the radio speakers and hear just fine.

  29. Shannon Avatar
    Shannon

    If I can figure out how to make it work

  30. Shannon Avatar
    Shannon

    Dove dark chocolate covered whole cranberries.

  31. Super Dave Avatar
    Super Dave

    These modern turn signal levers are weird.

    Not to worry, NO ONE in Texas EVER uses them anyway, you’ll fit right in. 😀

  32. squawkbox Avatar
    squawkbox

    Wow this is weird. I see y’all have been posting all day long. I have been blocked from hamous.org till about an hour ago.

    /Who did I urinate off to get blocked from the couch.

  33. Shannon Avatar
    Shannon

    It’s just not the same without ya, main.

  34. Super Dave Avatar
    Super Dave

    #32 don’t worry, it was prolly Shannon’s with his new truck.

    #29 If I can figure out how to make it work.

    The reason that I say this, is because when I got my new Chebby with all the fancy buttons on the wheel and I started pushing them, “On Star” came on and said that NASA had called and to tell Dave to get his nose pickers OFF the dayaam steering wheel because he’d just changed the orbit of the ISS. 😀

  35. Shannon Avatar
    Shannon

    Official Thanksgiving Hammie Poll

    Chose one:

    A) I hate Cranberries
    B) I only like the canned stuff
    C) I only like the real thing, I live for it each year
    D) I like both
    E) Huh?

  36. squawkbox Avatar
    squawkbox

    Official Thsnksgiving Hammie Poll

    “C” especially with beans and Van Roth singing in the back ground.

  37. squawkbox Avatar
    squawkbox

    Would you spend $112 for 5 pounds of hotdogs and 3 packages of buns?

    I did.

    Dang overnight shipping is expensive,

    Those “Red Snapper” hotdogs are the best.
    /Enter Texpat to take issue. 🙂

  38. Shannon Avatar
    Shannon

    36 SQk

    It’s really strange. Fay and I are the only ones that like the real cranberry thing among those in her family. We always showed up with it and ended up hauling most of it home.

    This year it’ll just be her and me fighting over the real thing.

    /Both of us pining for the years we were able to sneak away to the coast for our anniversary. Ah, those were the fun years.

    Love the coast this time of year. Fay said she got all melancholy about not being there today.

    /Dreaming of Quintana. Or Rockport. Or Port A. Or Lamar Peninsula. Or Galveston.

  39. Shannon Avatar
    Shannon

    I vaguely remember you talking about those dogs in the past…always piquing my curiosity. Love a good dog.

  40. GJT Avatar
    GJT

    Canned, cold.

  41. Shannon Avatar
    Shannon

    Her supply having been devastated, Adee is unavailable while she scavenges the neighborhood for the less-stinky surviving pumpkins to feed the squirrel friends.

  42. Katfish Avatar
    Katfish

    #35 – a resounding *D*

  43. Shannon Avatar
    Shannon

    A Katfish sighting!
    I figured you were on the way to North Texas or something.
    Happy Thanksgiving.

  44. Shannon Avatar
    Shannon

    And Texpat is no doubt putting the finishing touches on his annual hosting and cooking for thirty friends on Thanksgiving.
    But maybe not.
    Overseeing the merger of two million-year-old synagogues may have him hiding out in Delaware.

  45. Shannon Avatar
    Shannon

    Face it Texpat. Your only hope for peace is to come to Texas for a few weeks.

  46. Adee Avatar
    Adee

    Put me down for C, the real thing. Miss the days of cranberry/orange relish made at home using a crank meat grinder. Adding some spices to taste, and it was wonderful as a dessert if’n we made too much to go with dinner. Kept well in the fridge for several days also. But that was long ago and far away.

    We’re also going to Luby’s tomorrow, shortly after they open at 11. Then home to recover, and after that to start getting Christmas things out.

  47. mharper42 Avatar
    mharper42

    #35 Cranberry Poll
    I like canned whole-berry cranberries. Close enough to real, but without any hassle.

    BUT Hubs takes some medication that rules out cranberries, so when we have turkey and dressing at home, we use Tart Michigan Cherry Preserves as an acceptable substitute. Hubs lost most of his sense of smell/taste — probably also due to medications — a long time ago, and I doubt if he notices that he isn’t eating cranberries at all.

  48. Adee Avatar
    Adee

    A pair of industrious squirrels are still nibbling on the remaining pumpkins that I moved to the edge of the patio in back so the mess they make is easier to clean up. They literally climb halfway inside the bigger ones to feast on the entrails at the back and apparently the meat as well. However, those are the last ones and won’t be edible much longer.

    We haven’t seen any acorns or pecans on the driveway for a long time, and when there were some, they were few and far between and were rather small. Looks like we will be feeding the urchins something this winter.

  49. phil Avatar
    phil

    Red Snapper hot dogs? Never had em.

    What do you put on them? Relish? Mustard? Ketchup?

    Hope they don’t taste like chicken. 🙂

  50. phil Avatar
    phil

    5150 with beans.

  51. GJT Avatar
    GJT

    Grandkids parents coming over tomorrow, youngest son’s days off fell just right and the guy he replaces said go ahead and take Thanksgiving day too. Got my big pot and accessories all cleaned up and peanut oil bought for frying the bird, Sweetie’s been cooking all day… Almost ready. Yeah right.

  52. GJT Avatar
    GJT

    Where is Lubys at again….

  53. squawkbox Avatar
    squawkbox

    Those are the best hotdogs I have ever eaten. Had em every time we go to Maine. They are not chicken and you can eat them anyway you want. I prefer the old fashioned mustard ketchup and relish myself. They are great grilled, boiled, steamed or skilleted. And they do have a “snap” when you bite into them. I also like hotdog sauce or chili on em. (With beans of course)

    ONE CAVEAT
    The absolute with not one qualification best hotdog I have ever eaten was from a street vendor in New York City.

  54. Shannon Avatar
    Shannon

    The two of us together rubbing down the bird with buttah and slipping another stick or two of seasoned buttah under the breast skin.

    So romantic.

  55. Katfish Avatar
    Katfish

    #37 – Squawk have ya tried Sabrette’s?

    I’m confident TP can testify – beins he’s dang near a Yankee anymore…..

    *DUKKIN*

  56. Katfish Avatar
    Katfish

    #53 –

    ONE CAVEAT
    The absolute with not one qualification best hotdog I have ever eaten was from a street vendor in New York City.

    I’d wager THAT was a Sabrette!!

  57. Katfish Avatar
    Katfish

    #43 – Rightbackatchyall Brother!

    I’m not even doing Landry’s buffet this time around – a BACA Brother has kindly invited me to their feast.

  58. squawkbox Avatar
    squawkbox

    Brother Katfish
    Yup I have had Sabrettes. Must confess that in a side by side pig out I would be hard pressed to choose a “weiner”. 🙂

  59. squawkbox Avatar
    squawkbox

    Happy Thanksgiving to all. When I give my thanks y’all are included in the list.

  60. Tedtam Avatar
    Tedtam

    Well, our a/c went out and cooking in the kitchen left me hot and uncomfortable. Got 2 cheese cakes in the frig before my back was hurting too much to continue.

    I was going to make a special low carb cake and cauliflower mash to take to my sister’s tomorrow. I might make the mash, but until then, I’m icing my back down on the couch with a fan blowing on me.

  61. phil Avatar
    phil

    Same to you Brother Squawk.

    You sold me on the dogs. I may have to try them.

    Peace brothers and sisters.

    Happy Thanksgiving and Pecan Pie with Cool Whip day tomorrow.

  62. Tedtam Avatar
    Tedtam

    Enjoy this little tyke.

  63. Dooood Avatar
    Dooood

    Official Thanksgiving Hammie Poll

    Chose one:

    A) I hate Cranberries
    B) I only like the canned stuff
    C) I only like the real thing, I live for it each year
    D) I like both
    E) Huh?

    In for D) on this one.

  64. Shannon Avatar
    Shannon

    60 TT

    Given the choice between cake and something called cauliflower mash….

    And you choose the cauliflower mash?

    I always knew there was something wrong with you.

    🙂

  65. Shannon Avatar
    Shannon

    Well, our a/c went out

    The five words that’ll get me into a motel faster than a Fort Sill offer.

  66. Shannon Avatar
    Shannon

    Wake me up at 12:30 willya?

    I’m supposed to turn the oven down to 275.

  67. GJT Avatar
    GJT

    It’s 12:30 Shannon!

    /what is that burning smell…

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