Below The Belt Tightening

Just in time for the summer, we have news from the Golden State for men who have a need for complete grooming.
Wimmins have had all kinds of options for little and not-so-little medical touchups here and there for many years. First, there were cremes and lotions that removed unwanted hair from legs, pits, and under the nose. Later there was waxing to accomplish the same goals.
Later innovations included Botox, laser hair removal, and liposuction. Then it got weird. Someone decided that the area of a wimmin’s lower anatomy normally fully carpeted should be groomed up some, then embaldened, giving beauty treatment “the Brazilian”.
This was followed by surgical touchups of the “special place”, piercings, and other treatments. As if all those weren’t enough, someone decided that the lower termination of the alimentary canal needed to be bleached.
Ew.
Now, innovation has struck men. In addition to most of the procedures available for wimmins (with more or less obvious exceptions), we have “scrotal tightening”. This involves the removal of excess hair, smoothing out skin tones, and tightening the skin to remove wrinkles. Who knew this was even a problem?
It’s only about $900 per treatment.
You hear that, Mr. Tooter?


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  1. GJT Avatar
    GJT

    In other news: Man Has Surgery for 134-Pound Scrotum
    http://abcnews.go.com/m/story?id=19091787
    Ouch, sounds painful.

  2. Sarge Avatar

    Psssshaw.
    This ain’t nuthin new.
    I had my scrotum tightened just outside the Main Gate at Fort Sill forty years ago.
    Cost me twenny bux.

  3. wagonburner Avatar
    wagonburner

    At least he can get it spruced up a little now.

  4. Sarge Avatar

    There are reasons why stereotypes exist.

    A potential juror at the George Zimmerman trial who told the court he had little knowledge of the case apparently indicated otherwise on Facebook.
    “I CAN tell you THIS. ‘Justice’…IS Coming,” the juror appeared to write of the Zimmerman case on the Facebook page for the “Coffee Party Progressives,” a page with which he was confronted in Judge Debra Nelson’s courtroom.
    The potential juror, assigned the number E7, who described himself as an “underemployed” musician and painter, told the court that he did not have a lot of knowledge about the case when it first happened.

  5. Hamous Avatar

    Ezra Klein is, in my opinion, King of the Mocha jesus toadies. No one toads with the veracity of Ezra. He’s topped himself now:

    During his 2008 presidential campaign, Barack Obama relied on a standard applause line, a promise that his health-care plan would “lower premiums by up to $2,500 for a typical family per year.”

    According to Ezzy it’s already happening! Yay Obamacare!

    So here’s the shocking revelation: The savings are actually materializing. Over e-mail, Cutler pointed out that in January 2009, the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services projected that national health spending would equal 19.3 percent of gross domestic product in 2016. Their 2012 projection cuts the 2016 estimate to 18.3 percent.

    Got that? Obama administration officials projecting that health spending will decrease by 1% of GDP in 2016 is proof of $2500 in direct savings to you and me annually right now. It’s magic! He really is jesus!

  6. Texpat Avatar
    Texpat

    Squawkbox is in really, really big trouble now !

    “Anyone who does not participate in the election will surely end up in hell,” warned Ayatollah Ahmad Alamolhoda, the Friday prayer leader in the city of Mashhad and a member of the country’s Assembly of Experts (the body that chooses the supreme leader).
    A close adviser to the supreme leader, Hojatoleslam Alireza Panahian, begged people to vote: “People should vote, for God’s sake.”

  7. mharper42 Avatar
    mharper42

    I was afraid to click Pyro’s link for fear there would be before and after pix. But I relaxed when I saw there was just the cute pic of a guy at an ironing board.

  8. Tedtam Avatar

    #3 Sarge
    There’s a difference between a “tightening” and a “massage”.
    If you don’t know the difference, can we really trust what you say you had done at the gate at Ft. Sill? Is it possible that you wasted your twenny bux?
    Wait, you’re a guy – you wouldn’t consider anything “down there” a waste of money. 😉

  9. wagonburner Avatar
    wagonburner

    #9 mh42
    you’re welcome

  10. mharper42 Avatar
    mharper42

    #12 Hammy
    Did you intentionally subject us to the Milton Berle a second time in one morning?
    /Shudder, indeed.

  11. squawkbox Avatar

    “scrotal tightening”. This involves the removal of excess hair, smoothing out skin tones, and tightening the skin to remove wrinkles. Who knew this was even a problem?
    It’s only about $900 per treatment.
    You hear that, Mr. Tooter?

    Why oh why doth thou tempt me so?

  12. Hamous Avatar

    Maybe this guy shouldn’t have gotten his tackle tightened.

  13. squawkbox Avatar

    Texpat

    Squawkbox is in really, really big trouble now !

    “Anyone who does not participate in the election will surely end up in hell,” warned Ayatollah Ahmad Alamolhoda,

    Yeah look what happened here in the states and I took all of y’all with me. I have sent in my absentee ballot………………..5 times.
    But it does seem to me that this vote may be a followup to all the folks that stayed home in 2012. As Amerika goes so goes the world?

    Four years ago, Iranian Americans took to the polls in record numbers. Energized by the candidacy of Moussavi,
    (circumcised)
    “I remember a lot of hullabaloo about absentee voting in 2009, and a lot of people — particularly to compare it to years past — did participate in voting in the United States,” says Reza Marashi, research director for the National Iranian American Council. He admits his own father, who had never voted before in his life, even turned up to cast a ballot. “They wanted to get Ahmadinejad out of power. It turns out their voting didn’t matter.”

  14. mharper42 Avatar
    mharper42

    Delicious irony, if Congressional aides quit their jobs and congress critters themselves bail on re-election, all because they are afraid they can’t afford the insurance premiums for ObamaCare when they are forced to switch to it.

  15. mharper42 Avatar
    mharper42

    #19 Squawkie
    Restricted access link. Prolly a good thing, actually.

  16. Hamous Avatar

    #20 I can’t see the irony because the these shifty bastards are trying to amend the legislation so it doesn’t apply to them or their staff. If that happens there should be a revolution. The Grassley amendment was put in there to guarantee that these idiots would have to abide by the same laws they foist on the rest of us peons.

  17. squawkbox Avatar

    I can’t see the irony because the these shifty bastards are trying to amend the legislation so it doesn’t apply to them or their staff. If that happens there should be a revolution.

    /Oh hell no it is not worth the time Walt. Move along nothing to see here.

  18. wagonburner Avatar
    wagonburner

    If you monitor all communications except for one or a few small exceptions, you should not be surprised if the bad guys move to those areas.
    That, of course, is assuming they are not already there.

  19. mharper42 Avatar
    mharper42

    Here’s a thorny issue: Teacher is suspended and later fired after her abusive ex-husband violated a restraining order and came to the Catholic school where she worked. Parents were prepared to take their kids out of the school if this teacher had been allowed to return. She married a stinker and made babies with him. Now she and her children are paying for her bad judgement.
    This story reminded me of an incident in Houston years ago when a department store employee’s nutjob husband or boyfriend came gunning for her, and I think a customer was shot in the ruckus. The store (Dillard’s? Joske’s?) was aware of her situation and yet they retained her at the location and area of the store where the man had made scenes before. Anyone else remember this local story?

  20. Hamous Avatar

    The more I think about this Obamacare thing and congress trying to fix it for themselves the angrier I get.

  21. squawkbox Avatar

    If that happens there should be a revolution.

    There was to be an “open carry” march on on Washington July 4th that has since been canceled.. I suppose cooler heads prevailed and the wisdom of such a march came into question.
    But really? I do not want to see armed conflict amongst our citizens and the government. The march mentioned above could have gotten nasty real fast and become a type of Arab spring on the grounds of thee capitol or it could have turned into Cambodian killing fields. Sadly we live in the age of two extremes, doing nothing or starting a full blown civil war. The civil war is coming.
    look around yourself and tell me you do not see seething fear bubling up all around. The revolurtion as it were by all rights should have all ready started. Hey but we as “connedservatives” are still marching along talking about it.
    1. Obama care
    2. Voter fraud
    3. Fast and furious
    4. Benghazi
    5. The IRS
    6. The Fed spying on Americans
    I am sure there are more and more to come.
    Did I mention the revolution is coming?
    Really now. WHERE IS THE OUTRAGE? Amongst the choir and that is about all. This country is comprised of three groups US, them and the low information voters. US are outnumbered. Anyone of the 6 in my list above would be enough to bring down a president and his administration at any other time in history. Yet Limbaugh, Hannity and all the US mouth pieces out there tell us to fuggidaboudit. This country does not have the stomach to oust the first negro president in history. Just keep pointing out the hipocracy of the left and HOPE we win in 2014.
    I heard that same crappola in 2012. We are not gonna win no matter who wins.
    Some gay guy can get laws changed, a group of atheist can instill anger and fear across the country and affect social change, minority constituency groups can get there voices heard and so called illegals hiding in the shadows who we cannot see seem to have pretty good advocacy in Washington. BUT WE/US CANNOT/SHOULD NOT DEMAND THAT OUR LEGISLATORS COMMENCE HEARINGS DO ALL THEY CAN TO LEGALLY TAKE DOWN THE REGIME?
    Where is the marching in the streets? Michael Berry is pounding the drum that we should speak up, ignore the race baiting tactics but all I hear is US yelling down a large sewer pipe, just an annoying din and echo of our own talking heads and talking points. This ain’t about me, but I have sounded this alarm for years on LST to get involved more than listening to the radiot, and flapping our gums on blogs. Seems these are the places where the outrage is and WASHINGTON just takes notice and shrugs it off. The revolution should have already started with US pounding on the local legislators office doors to be heard, feets on the ground demanding to be seen, one on one, mano y mano.
    The revolution is coming. And it is not going to be pretty. The blood letting will begin right after the Dems take the house in 2014. They will have unbridled power and have no qualms about finally silencing US. They are already planning on it.
    But we just keep talking, informing the public, identifying what liberalism is, barking at the continued abuses of our government because that is what we are told to do.
    I fear greatly for our country and in my eyes the ONLY hope we have left is Almighty God and the Gospel of Jesus. But we have kicked him out of our court houses, public squares, mocked him on television and in print. As a nation we have turned our back on him who so greatly blessed us. So we as a country have no hope at all.
    Individually our hope is to turn to him for protection and ask him for protection of our household. I fear the die has already been cast for our country.
    Call me a nut if you will but think about what I typed here and look around. Then make your own decision as to what to do.
    So I pray for all of US and our country and I am going to return to my cave. Cheers

  22. Sarge Avatar

    There was to be an “open carry” march on on Washington July 4th that has since been canceled.. I suppose cooler heads prevailed and the wisdom of such a march came into question.

    Actually it was cancelled because everybody found out the guy organizing came from Occupy Wall Street and other “Community Organizations” and was likely going to be a put up job.

  23. Sarge Avatar

    24 Tedtam says:
    June 13, 2013 at 9:59 am
    Benghazi.

    The man is an idiot. This proves it:

    What makes this even MORE astonishing is that the order, their task of rescue and extraction, was a STANDING ORDER.
    That means that NO further orders would have been necessary for that Special Forces Unit to swing into action.
    NONE!!!

  24. squawkbox Avatar

    29 Sarge
    Thanks for reading all that screed just the same.

  25. Sarge Avatar

    Allow me to explain.
    Understanding the phrase “Standing Orders” to mean “When X happens you will do Y.” is only accomplished through sheer ignorance of how the military works when it comes to dispensing lethal force, and especially when doing so requires the unit involved to cross borders.
    It also assumes that the Special Forces unit in Stuttgart, Germany can get to Benghazi, Libya all by itself. Once one familiarizes one’s self with the geography of the situation it becomes obvious that in order to do that these light infantry units must undertake a long walk over mountains, then a long swim, then another long walk over desert. If haste is required, they must either sprout wings or get some help from the Air Force.
    There’s plenty of problems with the whole Benghazi thing and listening to idiots who do a lot of their talking using ALL CAPS to make thier point isn’t going to help things.
    The problem we’re having with getting through on Benghazi is exacerbated by guys like this.
    Shun them.

  26. Adee Avatar
    Adee

    Just barely good afternoon Hamsters. Surprisingly pleasant 72 at 6 and pushing 88 now with only 27% humidity and a decent breeze. No wonder sweeping the sidewalk a few minutes ago was comfortable, though didn’t take all that long. Spouse got ahead of the day in mowing the lawn before the afternoon heat moved in.
    The whining of some Congresscritters over the cost of Obamacare to them and their staff personally is beyond belief, most of all coming from every last Democrat who voted for this abomination thinking they had an out. Yea for Senator Grassley for slipping a mickey in their celebratory drinks. Yes, folks, you do have to pass this monster to find out what’s in it. Surprise.
    As for the Republicans who did not vote for this abomination–none did–this discovery ought to sharpen your fangs and claws to defeat Obamacare inch by inch by choking off its revenue so nobody has to suffer the expense of its evil intent. Only cowards split the scene when they control the purse strings. Grow a pair and a spine to hold them up. That’s an order from the grassroots and any other folks with two brain cells to rattle together.

  27. Sarge Avatar

    What is it with my favorite websites today? Here in the couch its all about scrotal ironing.
    After that, I see a post on Hammock Forums entitled “Getting excited about dewberrys”
    and now I’m scared to click on the link—-

  28. mharper42 Avatar
    mharper42

    Sarge, did you have to make any such affirmation? I know I didn’t. I can use my toaster for anything I like. Interestingly, my husband has started making his own T/MW-CS, because he likes them but I am not always around and/or awake when he wants one. Now of course, being a man, he has modified the recipe to include intentionally blackening the toast, piling the cheese high with sliced jalapenos, and nuking on HIGH for 15 seconds, or until he sees liquid cheese shooting out the sides of the black bread. When he makes his own, he can have them this way. 🙂

  29. Sarge Avatar

    Sarge, did you have to make any such affirmation?

    I have pledged to use all my powers for Truth, Justice, The American Way, and Toaster/Micro-Wave Grilled Cheese Sammiches.
    Your husband is a true artiste.

  30. Bonecrusher Avatar
    Bonecrusher

    Now of course, being a man 1, he has modified the recipe to include intentionally blackening the toast, piling the cheese high with sliced jalapenos 2, and nuking on HIGH for 15 seconds, or until he sees liquid cheese shooting out the sides 3 of the black bread.

    1) Just because one has male genetalia does not necessitate that one “carbon glaze” the toast.
    2) Cheese and jalaps always go well together.
    3) As long as he can get his wimmin to clean out the nuke box, no problemo.
    4) Why anyone would want to defile a grilled cheese sammich in the nuke box is another subject entirely. . . . .
    5) I noticed that he left out the nutmeg

  31. Shannon Avatar
    Shannon

    I am going to return to my cave

    …and finish his ironing.

  32. Bonecrusher Avatar
    Bonecrusher

    Does the very notion of IRS agents training in their official capacity with AR15s make anyone else nervous?
    This is Politico story and the comments section is loaded with lefty moon bat trolls.

  33. wagonburner Avatar
    wagonburner

    Depends.
    The IRS has armed tax agents. Always has.

  34. squawkbox Avatar

    Tin soldiers and Nixon Obama coming,
    We’re finally on our own.
    This summer I hear the drumming,……………………….
    And now back to our regular blogging

  35. squawkbox Avatar

    So I have always wanted a visual of Hamous’ “goonier than a road lizard”.

  36. Bonecrusher Avatar
    Bonecrusher

    This is pretty cool, time lapse of a gecko being consumed by ants.

  37. Shannon Avatar
    Shannon

    Syrian use of Weapons of Mass Destruction confirmed.
    These cynical bastards are unbelievable.

  38. mharper42 Avatar
    mharper42

    Your husband is a true artiste.

    Hmmm, I musta overlooked the artistry, and mainly noticed the impatience.

  39. mharper42 Avatar
    mharper42

    #44 Shannon
    I heard that on the radio while I was napping, but don’t see it on Drudge. Got a link?

  40. Bonecrusher Avatar
    Bonecrusher

    So the SaudiSunni/wahabbi/alQuaida muzzies are at war with the Shia/Alawite/Iranian muzzies (with Russian support) and the later has used chemical weapons of mass instruction on the former. OJugEars now is in a bit of a pickle, as he has defined a red line which should not be crossed and has – blatantly. This is very cold-warish starting to get hot for us because if we go in on the side of the former, we will be fighting against the rooskies by proxy – again. The location, way too close to The Promised Land, is sure to spill over and could easily provide the foundation for the battle of Armegeddon.

  41. squawkbox Avatar

    Bonecrusher #48
    A bit more irony. The US will be arming and helping the very terrorists that we are fighting against. Oh wait they are rebels.
    Never-mind

  42. GJT Avatar
    GJT

    Freedom fighters. Bless their hearts.

  43. GJT Avatar
    GJT

    From the inbox:

    Penetrating oils
    “Machinists Workshop” recently published information on various penetrating oils. The magazine reports they tested these products for “breakout torque” on rusted nuts and bolts. A subjective test was made of popular penetrating oils, with the unit of merit being the torque required to remove the nut from a “scientifically rusted” bolt.
    Averaged torque load to loosen nuts:
    No oil used………… 516 foot-pounds
    WD – 40………………… 238 foot-pounds
    PB Blaster……………… 214 foot-pounds
    Liquid Wrench……….. 128 foot-pounds
    Kano Kroil……………. 106 foot-pounds
    ATF/Acetone Mix……. 53 foot-pounds – 50/50
    The ATF/Acetone mix is a homebrew of 50/50 Automatic Transmission Fluid and Acetone.
    Note: This “Homebrew” released bolts better than any commercial product in this particular test.
    Note: Liquid Wrench is almost as good as Kroil for 20% of the price.
    Note: ATF/Acetone mix is the best, but you can also use ATF and lacquer thinner in a 50/50 mix.

    Did not know that, I always swore by PB Blaster.

  44. Super Dave Avatar
    Super Dave

    #51 GJT, We use a lot of kroil at the Rocket Ranch, the thiner stuff on the large (1″) bolts in the acoustic chamber and the heavier stuff to preserve bolts that are stored, it doesn’t come off.

  45. GJT Avatar
    GJT

    Is Romance Dead?
    A middle-aged couple had finally learned how to send and receive texts on their cell phones. The wife, being a romantic at heart, decided one day that she’d send her husband a text while she was out of the house having coffee with a friend. She texted:
    If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
    If you are laughing, send me your smile.
    If you are eating, send me a bite.
    If you are drinking, send me a sip.
    If you are crying, send me your tears.
    I love you.
    The husband, being a no-nonsense sort of guy, texted back:
    I’m on the toilet. Please advise.
    (Brings a tear to the eye, doesn’t it?)

  46. Super Dave Avatar
    Super Dave

    #53 😀

  47. GJT Avatar
    GJT

    #52 SD – I’ll have to check it out.

  48. mharper42 Avatar
    mharper42

    Blast from the past: I just got back from the HOA meeting where the newly revised board had their first meeting after the palace revolt. The Wicked Witch was either exiled, or blew her stack and quit, in either case she is gone.There is renewed hope for our subdivision.
    One of the shockers was some legal paperwork the nutty ex-Prez had paid to get drawn up, with the intention to poll the homeowners: to REDUCE the HOA fees and to ELIMINATE the requirement for paid security provided by licensed peace officers. None of the other surviving board members had ever seen this paperwork. I can imagine a lot of morons would trade the $60 savings on fees for losing the paid security.

  49. Shannon Avatar
    Shannon

    51 GJT
    Interesting. I may have to mix some up.

  50. Sarge Avatar

    40 wagonburner says:
    June 13, 2013 at 4:01 pm
    Depends.
    The IRS has armed tax agents. Always has.

    I’ll ask them the same question they’ve been asking me:
    What, beyond a shotgun, do they need for self protection? A Glock and a 12 gauge, that’s what they need for most situations they can encounter. Theyn don;t need their own frikking SWAT teams.

  51. Katfish Avatar

    #51 & #57 – I’ve seen that same list and comparison on multiple motorcycle tech boards over the years – Liquid Wrench works aok here as I don’t have a use for it very often – that “mix” noted has had it praises sung by many many folks

  52. Darren Avatar
    Darren

    This country does not have the stomach to oust the first negro president in history.

    That truly is Obama’s secret weapon. Decades of thought conditioning implanting the idea enlightening the masses to just how bad African Americans have been treated in the past and thus they are due their extra consideration and anyone who says other wise are just as evil as those who suppressed them in our history. I think Obama grew up and quickly realized how people did extra for him due solely to his race. He’s accomplished absolutely nothing except raise two daughters (excellent in and of itself but hardly criteria alone for socially marking a person with accomplishment) but his race and his race alone opened doors of opportunity for him. The majority of voters (those who voted, and for Obama, particularly those who voted more than once) support fundamentally changing America and do so under the guise of the first black president. o much corruption but the stupid voters (low information voters) do not and / or will not blame Obama for any of it. Why? Methinks Obama’s race has much to do with it.

    So I pray for all of US and our country and I am going to return to my cave.

    Pray on, my brother.
    As Obama tempts to seize American’s guns he trains government agencies to use them and under O’s administration, they are stocking up ammo like crazy. I don’t think this’ll end well. America has gone too far from the God of Abraham who is also the Lord of the New Testament. Thus Americans are blind and stupid, making themselves easy to manipulate. America must return to her religious roots that alone will allow all else to return to their own roots. To all, pray for this end and actively work towards this end.

  53. Darren Avatar
    Darren

    I’m off for vacation this week. Not here but to Branson, MO. After which Rhuelin will ride home with Grandma and Grandpa for an additional week fun (G&G are getting him a season pass to Six Flags, I never had it so good growing up but I’m thrilled for him). After that I’m flying up there and coming back with him.
    Family rules!!!

  54. Bonecrusher Avatar
    Bonecrusher

    Izzit Friday yet?

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