Thursday Cult of Texanism Comments

After several presidents come from your home state you kind of get used to the penis envy you generate, especially from the cultured “East Coast”. Now that a candidate is actually from Texas expect it to ratchet up even further. Take today’s hit piece from Salon:

Alas, the cheers that broke out among a well-heeled Republican audience last week at the mention of Texas Gov. Rick Perry’s execution of 234 convicts at a recent GOP presidential debate were all too real. Such is their anger and alienation that they’d gladly drag us back to the 19th century, when public hangings competed with traveling Wild West shows as popular entertainment.

Hey, you forgot the back alley abortions, dumbass.

Texanism is basically the John Birch Society in a cowboy hat. Oh, and don’t forget the six-gun. Perry’s almost surely apocryphal tale (there were no witnesses) of shooting a coyote while jogging during an election campaign was calculated to enhance his image of manly self-reliance.

We’re all racists? Come on, these are standard Democrat/Alinsky talking points. You can do better than that.

Now, where I come from, bragging about something like that — as Perry’s taken to doing on the campaign trail — would be an embarrassment. But then that ain’t the metaphysical realm Perry calls “the state uh Texas,” which has little to do with the actual state he governs, but everything to do with Texanism.

Where you come from (New Jersey) people disappear into the Hudson River with a brand new set of concrete shoes. You come from the same place as those orange morons on “Jersey Shore”. Are you kin to Snookie?

By the time John F. Kennedy made his fateful visit to Dallas in November 1963, Texanists were circulating handbills accusing the president of giving “support and encouragement to … Communist inspired racial riots,” and consistently appointing “anti-Christians to public office.”

Ah yes. Texas killed Kennedy. Forget for a moment that Oswald was from New Orleans. He was a dyed-in-the-wool communist that those evil Texanists were warning every one about.

Sounds familiar, no? It’s always race and religion with these jokers; tycoon economics and Deep South authoritarianism.

I think we know which side of the political spectrum cannot exist without racial tension, and it has nothing to do with the Deep South.
Oh, and Halliburton!

Keeping cows out, I can tell you, would cost $2 a foot; the expense of building and maintaining the Great Wall of Texas, I can’t imagine. But you can bet your grandma’s unconstitutional Social Security check that some big Perry supporter would get the cement contract. Houston-based Halliburton could man the watchtowers.

And no idiotic rant would be complete without a little Climate Astrology:

Meanwhile, half of Texas is aflame while its governor’s on TV denying climate change. Having slashed state forest management and firefighting budgets in the face of historic heat and drought, Perry now demands that the accursed federal government turn over heavy equipment already engaged in fighting wildfires for the state’s largest employer: the U.S. Army at Ft. Hood.

It’s gonna be a fun election season.